rubygirl29 (rubygirl29) wrote in lgbtfest,

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Title:You Can’t Always Get What You Want*
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis-SG-1
Characters: Cameron Mitchell/Evan Lorne, John Sheppard
AU: Breakaway
Disclaimer: The Stargate franchise owns them. I just borrow them for fun. The Breakaway AU is my own.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: language, semi-explicit m/m sexual situations, discussions of DADT

Prompt 3100: Evan Lorne. It was so much easier keeping work and personal separate when there was an entire galaxy between them. (post-finale)*

*Author’s Note: I tried, I really tried to make this work post-finale but it wasn’t going where I wanted it to go. Instead, it takes place in the six weeks while the team was back on Earth during The Return. DADT is still firmly in effect, the Ori are threatening, and Cam and Evan are finding it difficult to manage their jobs and their personal lives, even in the same galaxy.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

It should have been easy. Being assigned to SG-1 and working with Cam had been Evan Lorne’s dream assignment. He knew better ... but some blind spot ruled by love and his conviction that nothing could happen to him, left him open and vulnerable. Now he was fucked, royally painfully, laughingly fucked by fate, love and DADT.

He leaned against the wall opposite the SGC infirmary and felt the concrete strike a chill against his back. It might as well have driven a spike of ice into his heart. His head hurt and he had wrenched his shoulder dragging Cam through the gate. That didn’t matter; that Cam was in surgery, did.

“Hey, Evan,” John Sheppard was walking towards him, thin and loose-limbed, relaxed. He was in street clothes instead of his olive drab BDUs, which seemed to account for his informality. He paused, took a look at him. “What happened to you?”

“I’m fine,” Lorne lied. There was a bruise and a cut slanting across his cheek, and his shoulder felt like it was being stabbed with a hot poker. But he was fine ...

“Then whose blood is it?”

Lorne couldn’t look at John. “It’s Cam’s.” He remembered Arizona and how tight the three of them had been until Sheppard had quit the F-302 program to return to flying choppers. Shortly after, Cam and Evan and become lovers. Despite distance and time, John had remained a friend to them both. Evan occasionally suspected he knew the truth, but they had never discussed it openly.

Sheppard sighed. “Crap.”

“He’s in there,” he inclined his head towards the infirmary. “We ran into a company of renegade mercenaries from the Lucien Alliance. They were waiting when we came through the gate. Smithson and Gregg were nearly captured. Cam took a staff blast to his abdomen. I got away with this --” He waved a vague hand towards his bruised cheek.

“Is he all right?”

“He made it through the surgery.”

“Why aren’t you in there with him?”

“I don’t have a right. I’m just a friend. Legally, I’m nothing.”

Sheppard gave him that level I’m in command look. He spoke quietly even though there was nobody in the corridor to hear. “You and Cam, I kinda figured it out. So don’t be an ass about it, okay? In my eyes you’re a member of SGC and his team. You have every right to be there. I’ll take care of it.”

Lorne paled slightly. “Back on the planet, I kind of lost it, John. Cam was bleeding out in my arms. I thought he was going to die. I though I was going to die. I probably ... I know I said things that weren’t exactly appropriate.” He looked up, “I’m telling you this off the record, right?” His blue eyes were wary, and John felt a stab of empathy.

“Do you see any insignia on my collar? C’mon. Let’s get out of here. I’ll tell Dr. Lam to call me if there’s any change. It’s one of the perks of being a Lieutenant Colonel.”

Lorne looked at his hands. “I have to clean up.”

“Meet you up top in fifteen?”

“Yeah.” Getting out of the confines of SGC sounded like a good idea to him. He jogged down to the locker rooms, showered and was waiting at the entrance when Sheppard pulled up in his vintage Camaro.

“Nice ride,” Lorne commented.

“Well, it’s not like I’ve put a lot of miles on it over the last few years.” Sheppard usually drove like a man who wanted everything to go two hundred miles per hour, but tonight he kept it at a more sedate pace, finally pulling up in a space in front of the Pegasus Pub.

The name was pre-Atlantis, but the bar had become a second home to the members of the expedition after they had been forced to returned to Earth. Their shared experiences had made them more like family than co-workers, both civilian and military. Lorne was a little wary of talking to Sheppard in public, but at the same time he found comfort in the familiarity. If you couldn’t be yourself with family, then you were bad off.

He and John found a table away from the general bustle. They ordered beers and after they were served, Sheppard looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes and sighed. “Okay, suppose you tell me about that mission -- the ‘inappropriate’ part?”

Lorne felt his cheeks grow warm. Even though Atlantis protocol was pretty relaxed, DADT was still in force and Lorne had remained firmly closeted during his time there. It hadn’t been difficult; he was in love with Cam, and not inclined to sleep around just for the sake of sex.

“Evan?” John nudged his arm. “We really have to talk about this, you know.”

“Let’s just say way too many people heard me tell Cam that I loved him and that he wasn’t going to fucking die and leave me alone.”

John thought a moment, shrugged. “Not so bad. Not too appropriate, but not like being caught in a compromising position.”

“Even if one of those people who heard me was General Landry?”

John winced. “Ouch.”

“That bad, huh?” Evan took a deep swallow of beer. “So, when do I file the paperwork?”

Sheppard nearly choked on his beer. “Slow down! I’m sure that Landry has heard a lot worse than a guy telling a buddy that he loved him in the course of his career. Don’t do anything you’ll regret unless he brings it up -- and I’m willing to bet that he won’t. He knows your value -- and I’m not just talking about the ATA gene.”

“Maybe so, but he’s a general, and he didn’t get those stars on his shoulders by thumbing his nose at regs,” Lorne sighed. “What should I do now?”

“Go back to SGC. The roof hasn’t caved in on you, yet.”

“Easy for you to say.”

Sheppard just looked at him. “No, it isn’t.”

The slight reproof in his voice was a sharp reminder that Evan wasn’t alone in the relationship shit DADT caused. At least for now, he and Cam were in the same galaxy, for all the good it had done him. He thought of Ronon, a galaxy away. “Sorry.”

Sheppard shrugged. “I’ll take you back to SGC, and make sure you’re in with Cam.”

“John, thanks.”

“What are friends for?”

“Remember that when you’re testifying at my court martial.”

“That is so not going to happen,” John grinned despite the seriousness of the possibility. “Let’s go.”


Dr. Lam had just moved Cam out of recovery when Evan returned to SGC. True to his word, John had walked in with him, then conveniently disappeared to make an ‘urgent’ phone call. If Lam had any objections, she was keeping them to herself.

“You have fifteen minutes, major.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She pulled the screen around the bed and moved on to another patient. Other than being pale, Cam looked all right. He didn’t seem to be in any discomfort, though Lorne was pretty sure that would change once the anesthesia and drugs wore off and all those outraged nerves started screaming. He’d been there himself, once or twice.

He took Cam’s hand in his. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” he whispered. “Wake up.”

Cam groaned and opened his eyes just a slit. “Great, it’s Prince Charming and I look like crap.”

“You look fine to me,” Lorne whispered. “Cam, your folks will be coming tomorrow, so they’re going to move you to the base at Peterson. I’ll be there when I can. Just remember that I was here.” He looked around. No prying eyes. The observation room was dark. He leaned down and kissed Cam softly. “Get well. Life is pretty dull when you’re not around.”

“Dull is good,” Cam whispered. His voice trailed off as he drifted into sleep.

“Yeah. Dull is good,” Lorne sighed. He gave Cam’s hand a light squeeze and left just as Carolyn Lam was about to tell him it was time to end his visit.

The next week passed with Lorne feeling as if he were walking on broken glass. General Landry had been called to DC, so all was quiet on that front. John was off-world with his “new” team. Evan, due to his injured shoulder, was placed on desk duty covering Sheppard’s paperwork. He seemed to be the only person who wasn’t in a relaxed -- at least relaxed for Stargate Command -- state of readiness. He kept thinking about his future; if he had one, in the military.

While Cam got better each day, Lorne got more tired and more quiet. Even though Cam was out of ICU the drugs he was on left him pretty drowsy and lethargic. Wendy and Frank Mitchell were very kind, but since it seemed every time they met Evan, Cam was in the hospital, he tried to stay out of their way, if only to keep speculation at a minimum. Wendy finally cornered him in the cafeteria.

He was drinking a cup of coffee when she sat in the chair across from him. “May I join you?”

Lorne smiled. “You’re always welcome, Mrs. Mitchell.”

“Wendy.” She stirred in milk and enough sugar to make his teeth ache. “I think we ought to be on a first name basis, don’t you?”

“What?” Lorne’s mind started racing ahead like it did when he was trying to assess every option available to him in combat. When he realized how rude he sounded, he blushed. “I mean, every time we meet Cam is in the hospital. It must be kind of hard to be happy to see me.”

Wendy Mitchell looked at him with sympathetic blue eyes. “That’s nonsense. You’re Cam’s friend and you are always welcome.” She studied him intently. “You look tired.”

“The Air Force keeps me busy.”

“I know you can’t talk about what you do, but I heard you were there when Cam was hurt. Thank you for bringing him back safely. Cameron says you saved his life. I just wanted to thank you.”

Guilt stabbed at Lorne. “We don’t leave our people behind,” he said. “Cam would have done the same for me.” It was a soldier’s stoic answer, and he just hoped he wasn’t giving too much away. He was tired, and he didn’t know what else to say that wouldn’t tear his heart open. He settled for the obvious -- consolation. “Ma’am, you don’t -- you shouldn’t worry about Cam. He’ll be fine.”

“Will he?”

“Yes, ma’am. He’s got friends watching his back.”

She studied him, and he waited, still and calm, but with his heart beating hard and fast until she nodded. “Yes, I guess he knows that, too.”


Two weeks passed and Cam healed quickly. Lorne’s shoulder didn’t. It remained a nagging worry. He was sitting in the office he shared with the XO of SG-12 composing a memo on training schedules when his phone rang. He looked at the display and smiled.

“Hey,” Cam said. “How about driving out here and springing me from this joint?”

Lorne glanced at the paperwork piled on his desk. It would still be there tomorrow. “That’s the best invitation I’ve had all day. Is an hour enough time?”

“I’m packed and ready. See you then. Ev, thanks.” The use of his name was as intimate as if Cam had said I love you, and Evan felt heat flush his skin. He got up from the desk, swore as his shoulder twinged painfully. He had an appointment with an orthopedist the next day. He didn’t want to think about it. He would much rather spend time with Cam than mope about his own misery. He closed up the office and drove out to Peterson and the base hospital.

Cam was waiting for him in the lobby. He was pale, still slightly hunched over from the damage the staff blast had caused, but he was smiling widely at Lorne. “About time you got here.”



Lorne caved. “Partly. Just work. Sheppard’s off-world with his new team so I’ve got his paperwork and yours. I’ll survive.”

Cam tilted his head. Lorne must have ached to be on John’s team, but the SGC or the IOA seemed determined to keep former Atlantis personnel separated from each other, as if they’d steal a jumper and head back to the world they called home. “Tell me about it,” he said.

“Later. Let’s get you out of here, first.” He started to help Cam up and winced. “Ow.”

“You’re going to tell me about that, too,” Cam said. He slid into the front seat of Lorne’s jeep. “Take it slow,” he warned. “I’m fragile.”

“Right.” Evan had enough trouble shifting gears without biting his lip. He wasn’t likely to speed through Colorado Springs. Fortunately, it was a short drive to Cam’s condo. He unlocked the door, aware of Cam’s body close to his back. “Might be a little musty. I’ve been at SGC for the last few days.” He pushed the door open using his good shoulder to give it a bump. “Welcome home.”

Cam turned him, back pressed against the foyer wall, and kissed him. “God, I missed you,” he said, still exploring the curve of Lorne’s lips with his tongue; nibbling gently at the corner of his mouth. “That’s better.”

It didn’t hurt, Lorne told himself, when Cam took his shoulders in his hands to push him over to the sofa and proceeded to make love to him. It didn’t hurt as long as Cam kept his body humming with pleasure. It didn’t hurt as he climaxed from the rub and touch of their sexes trapped between them. It didn’t hurt as long as he pretended that he felt nothing but the sweet lassitude that followed their lovemaking.

Cam’s fingers played slowly across his skin, his forearm, his collarbone. “So, tell me about this,” he whispered tapping Lorne’s shoulder gently. “What’s going on?”

“It’s your fault,” Evan said, his smile taking the sting from the words. “If I hadn’t dragged you back through the stargate I wouldn’t have twisted my shoulder in knots.”

“What are you doing about it?”

“I have an appointment with an orthopedist tomorrow. Dr. Lam thinks I’ll need surgery.”

“You want company?”

“Yeah, like the last thing you need is more time with a doctor. I’m a big boy. I can handle it.” He slid the edge of his fingernail against Cam’s nipple, felt the shiver of arousal through his muscles. As a distraction, it was effective. Cam sighed and nuzzled into Evan’s neck. The scrape of stubble on his sensitive skin and the hardening of Cam’s cock against his drove any apprehension Lorne felt right from of his mind.


Two days later, he was undergoing arthroscopic surgery. He first woke from the anesthesia, dizzy and sick. After some more meds to quell his nausea, he fought his way to consciousness again to find John, not Cam, sitting at his bedside. “Where’s Cam?” he croaked.

John looked up from the gaming magazine he had been flipping through. He sat on the bedside, gave Lorne a cup of water. “Sorry, buddy. He left on the Odyssey with SG-1.”

“He was cleared for that?”

John gave him a look which effectively quelled any other questions he might have. Lorne knew when to shut up. It didn’t mean he had to like it, though. He sighed. “Okay. When can I get out of here?”

“Thanks to your bad reaction to the anesthesia, they want to keep you overnight.”

“I’m fi --”

“And I’m still technically your CO. You’re parking your ass here for another twelve hours. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.” And that was the end of that conversation. Lorne closed his eyes. “I haven’t felt this crappy since the last time I got hit with a Wraith stunner.”

“Yeah, well,” John said noncommittally. “Apparently that new combo of drugs agreed with you about as well as one.”

“Ha-ha.” Lorne sighed. “So, twelve hours?”

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow, take you back to Cam’s.”

Lorne nodded. “Leave me a magazine?”

Sheppard did, though Lorne fell asleep again after he left and didn’t remember much until the sun woke him the next morning.

Several hours and several medical tests later. Lorne’s shoulder felt good -- better than before the surgery, and he had a long list of do’s and don’ts to follow. Sex wasn’t on either list. Now if Cam would just come home ... Instead John appeared with his release papers in hand. He carried Lorne’s duffel to the Camaro and fifteen, mostly careful, minutes later they were at Cam’s. Lorne sank down on the couch and rested his head against the cushions.

“You sure you’re okay?” Sheppard asked.

Evan shrugged his good shoulder. “Mostly.” He saw Sheppard’s brow raise. “If you’re asking as my CO, I’m good.”

“And as a friend?”

“I’d be better if Cam was here, but he’s not. So, yeah, mostly.” He wasn’t comfortable talking about Cam as his lover with Sheppard. It had been bad enough with two galaxies between them; here, it was nearly impossible.

“Listen, if you want to talk, I’ll listen.” He looked at his watch. “Crap. I’m late.”

“Got a hot date?”

“Only if you consider McKay and Beckett as being either hot or dates. I’d ask you to join us, but you don’t look up for it.”

“Thanks, sir.” He opened his eyes. “I’ll just lie here and suffer.”

“This should make you feel better.” John sailed a paper over to him. Before Evan could read it, Sheppard turned to leave. “See you back at the office in two days. After you finish your physio, you’re back on active duty.”

“Thanks ... sir.” Evan unfolded the paper and read. ”Heading back. Odyssey dropping us off at the nearest planet with a Stargate.”.

Lorne grinned. He pulled a throw off the back of the couch and settled in for a nap.


He slept longer than he intended, whether from the lingering effects of the anesthesia or his lack of rest the previous weeks. He came awake slowly with the sensation that he wasn’t alone. His first thought was that John’s plans had fallen through. He turned his head slightly. “What, no hot date after all?” he asked.

“My hot date fell asleep on me.”

He opened his eyes and Cam leaned forward. The last of the light fell across his face. He was trying to suppress a smile, and Evan wondered if this wasn’t part of a lingering dream. “Cam?” He blinked drowsily. “When did you get back?”

“Oh, about three hours ago. Had to debrief. Ancient tech,” he sighed. “We missed you.”

“You missed my DNA,” Lorne said. He sat up, tried to smile, but the cobwebs of sleep were making him stupid. He yawned, scrubbed his fingers over his face and hair. “I need a shower.”

Cam came over to the couch and sat next to him. “How was the surgery?”

“Piece of cake. It was the anesthesia that did me in. Bad reaction. Now I just want a shower and food.”

“Need some help?” Cam asked, his eyes suddenly very blue and very close to Evan’s.

“Don’t need it, but I want it,” he breathed.

“And as the band says ... You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find, you get what you need. And sometimes,” Cam paused and kissed him. “You get lucky.”


It was good. It was always good, Lorne thought as he lay curled in the hollow of Cam’s body with the taste of him, clean and wet, and the slight acridity of his semen still in his mouth. He could live like this, love like this, forever. Sometimes he wondered about a life away from the military. It would happen eventually, if they survived. Or, they could both walk away, right now. free and clear.

Cam stirred. Lifted up on his elbow and smiled down at Lorne. “What’re you thinking?”


“That’s never good,” Cam said. He flicked aside the short curl at Evan’s temple. “Want to talk about it?”

“Just thinking about what happens next.”


It would have been easy to play along with Cam’s lighthearted suggestion, but Evan wasn’t looking for easy. There were things he had to say, to make sure Cam understood. “Seriously. When you were hit with that blast, all I could think about was how much I love you. I was terrified, literally, that you would die and I would be alone. I could have compromised the mission. Lost men.”

“But you didn’t,” Cam said. “You got me back alive. You got the team back safely. You’ll get a purple heart out of this ... another one.” He kissed Evan’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“We’re in the military, Cam. We’re gay. We’re walking in a minefield, here.”

Cam sat up, wrapped his arm around his knees. “I know.” He looked out the window for a few minutes, then over his shoulder at Lorne. “But if push came to shove, you’d win every time.”

The knot in Lorne’s stomach untied itself. “Same here.” He sat up and traced the channel of Cam’s spine, the knobs of bone and the curve of muscle. “So.”

“So is that what you want?”

Evan smiled. “You can’t always get what you want ... but at times you find, you get what you need.”

“So, what do you want?” Cam teased.

“I want food ... but I need you.”

Cam leaned over, kissed him, gently pushing him back against the pillows, covering him with his body. Want, need, love ... it was all that mattered.

The End
Tags: fandom: stargate atlantis, fandom: stargate sg1

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